I am Orphan Now

Guess most of my fren know that my mother has passed away last week. I not going to say the details here. I will forever remember wat happen at home and how she left me those event remain clearly in my mind and it scares me when i think of it....
Been wondering if i insist to take her to the hospital rather than to clinic. She might still be with me....or wat i can do or not do to make her alive............
I have not been a good son thou, I should hav talk to her often and not quarrel with her. Should have show more concern for her. I also should have go out with her often and bring her to nice restaurant to eat. She always say wants to try Jap food but i nv had the chance to do so...now no chance liao......